could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's always time for handjobs
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
