I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
