You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize