I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize