We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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