life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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