none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
God, I missed his penis.
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