DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
