Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
