gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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