oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
