Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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