My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
