Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
