It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
