it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
