you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
