Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
