Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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