I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
