Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
