The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i think my cat just said my name.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
