I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
