ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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