so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
