but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
