My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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