i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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