i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
