just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
