I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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