I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
