i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drake has all the answers
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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