these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this must be what syphilis tastes like
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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