i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
