my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
