I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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