Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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