So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
