hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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