i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
