You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
