I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
