That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
