I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
