we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
