Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
