Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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