My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
