you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
