haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
