no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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