i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
