Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
