I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
