it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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