Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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