My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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