Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
