so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
