i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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