i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
