So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
